A Starkid fairytale - 1st part
by ladysnape3
Summary: A big crossover of anything Starkid-related, and related to the AVPDFCC facebook page ! Have fun !


_**Contributors : **_

_Salomé Fardou_

_Choco ChocolateWaterfall_

_Carol Frances Kerins_

_Elise Shelfmauvehogwartsjaguarblar g Cannon_

_Tasmyn Taz Greentree_

_Oriana Gambardella_

_Joshy Kurzban_

_Elizabeth Lizzieboots Pratt_

נעם בן משה

_Triciab Tolles_

_Morgan McConnell_

_George Pryor_

_Katie Anastas_

_Antoinette Hermononucleosis Berry-Snowden_

_Debby Cunningham_

_Laura Reback_

_Isobel Donohoe_

_Abbie Dyer_

_Harriet Mawson_

_Shahnoor Kamaljit Shaffer Black_

_Debby Cunningham_

_Julianna Delgato_

_Elisa Alonso_

_Emma Kirkup_

_Alexandra Cao_

_Lydia Oh_

_Tator Zimmerman_

_Allison Blaine_

_Mary-Ellen Di Giovanni_

_Ruby Lëwis_

_Catherine Speck _

_Emmi Slytherpuff Glew_

_**ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A MAGICAL KINGDOM, CALLED STARKID…a collective story.**_

This magical kingdom was so sexy, that everybody died. THE END…Or was it the end?

In this magical kingdom, nothing ever ends. And so, there begins our story of one fan on a journey to meet his idols. That fan's name was unknown, but wished to be called... Pigfarts Ranger Dickrat, because he was from Farm Planet where your first name is... (oh wait a minute, wrong guy, it doesn't work). WELL, he was called like this because he couldn't help making a Starkid reference every 2 minutes (like all of Starkid fans). He was wandering around in this enchanted world when a vampire attacked! I mean a zombie. F*ck. A dickrat, a real one. And then our boy, instead of defending himself, hugged and kissed the dickrat! And they sang together "_Me and my dickrat_". The dickrat's heart magically warmed up, and he started singing along...

"I like being with you..."

"And you like being with me !"

But before they could sing the next line, TRAGEDY STRUCK! … Voldemort arrived! And he killed the bench on which the boy was sat : "Avada Kedavra !"

"NOOOO!" they cried, their tears gently crawling down their cheeks, "We loved that bench!"

Then Superman popped out of nowhere and said : "hey Voldemort! You think that you're a tough guy? killing a helpless bench?!'" And they fought...until the Super-Friends arrive to the rescue ! They started to sing _"Super Friends_" and then it was tequila time, so they all headed to a bar, led by the Green Lantern (who got the lime) and drank tequilas all night long. Superman got really drunk and started hitting on Wonder-Woman, who was used to it... And then, Superman did a terrible thing. He told her he liked her! So, Sirius Black popped out from behind a curtain and started beating him with a wet fish, saying that you must never tell a girl that you like her, because it makes you look like an idiot, until B man started to cry, because Sirius was hurting his friend.

Alfred started to sing in attempt to cheer Bat-wayne, Bruce-man, NO, Batman, up. But nothing was working

So Alfred turned to the only person he knew could help...Batman's parents… (oh wait)…COMMANDER UP! But suddenly, a meteor shower hit the bar and killed them all, because Starkid is too cool to properly finish story lines.

The end ?

Or is it?

But it wasn't a real meteorite, it was a rocketship with the shape of a meteorite, and Rumbleroar was in it ! He stepped out of the spaceship with Draco riding on his back...And Draco had suddenly sprouted a tale! But the tale wasn't any tale, it was a magical fairy tale about Starkid!

It read:

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A MAGICAL KINGDOM, CALLED STARKID

This magical kingdom was so sexy, that everybody died. THE END… Or was it the end?

For, in this magical kingdom, nothing ever ends. And so, there begins our story of one fan on a journey to meet his idols…Because it's not over yet. With Starkid, the adventures never ended, so Lucius Malfoy sprang up and used a time turner to go back in time to Harry Potter first year at Hogwarts !

But Lucius goofed up, and was sent _FORWARD_ in time to the year of the First Starship Ranger Academy. He was mistaken for a new recruit so he had to endure months of vigorous training to become a Starship Ranger. However, just as he was coming to the end of his training... he saw Superman taking a tequila break from traveling back in time... Lucius hopped on Superman's back, but Draco, who was hiding in his fanny pack, pinched a very sensitive place and, taken by surprise, Lucius let go and landed in the Prehistoric times! He was surrounded by monsters...almost alien-like. With exoskeletons, the giant bugs were buzzing around, making love...with honey. Lucius was so tiny next to them. One of them saw him, it approached and started speaking in an unknown language (it was Bug language), and it said "_Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah_" to Lucius, who obviously didn't understand though he had the strange urge to have "Caribbean Study" with it. Perhaps over a nice salad ? However, before they could begin with the coitus, Lucius found a strange prickling sensation in his right hip : "Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have brought that prickly pear with me" he said, removing it from his pocket. He violently threw it in a bush, which muttered "ouch!"… because Junior was in it, spying as always.

"Damnit" he said "almost broke my record..." everyone looked at him, confused about what he said. "It's been the third time of spying in 2 weeks, but you caught me before I ever get a chance to tell my dad, he's the head of the whole Galactic league, what I heard today !"

"Soooooo...does anyone want to buy some pot?" he said with a ridiculous smile on his face "I got some here in my ba – HEY, WHERE DID MY BAG GO?"

Then his father called him on the videophone and he said, pot-bag in his hand "Junior, I think I found something that belongs to you"... Then Junior told his dad it was Lucius', and he got away with it. But, suddenly, the ground turned into MARSHMALLOWS, and they all started sinking...

So Draco popped out of the fanny pack with herman, hermanaman, Hermoingo-oingo-boingo, and she tried every first-year spell she knew, even the jelly-legs jinx...but sadly the marshmallow was too much for them. So the kept sinking...until they reach the opposite side of the planet. They felt like Mama Umbridge had sucked them up into her womb and spat 'em back out as red hot titanium babies, with diamond teeth...(but they hadn't, they just fell through a giant marshmallow)...

Then suddenly Dr Space Claw teleported in, he was _VERY_ upset because Junior couldn't stop the giant marshmallow...So he called in a specialist...Sweet Tooth, who admitted he was the one who turned the ground into a marshmallow and he started lobbing jelly beans at everybody in sight. He knew everyone was jealous of him because he was the best villain on the planet, so he made a pun, "You Jelly?"

But then a loud shout made him jump, he turned around and saw Roach ! … or was it? or one of his many relatives? Who knows? That, my friend, is the question we shall never know the answer to. I believe the wizard god does though, since, in prehistoric times, he was still alive. Or was that a hoax? For there is no God up there, only B man. (though in prehistoric times, he is called Pterodactyl Man and people laughed, because he was a tiny pterodactyl). But Pterodactyl Man didn't care, for he knew that someday they would look up to him as a hero, as a huge bat. Except Goyle was secretly afraid of bats and went to hide in his pillow fort, when he found his path blocked by the Overqueen who wanted him to be her queen impregnator, but then it was awkward for Jim because he was having sex with himself.

And a magical talking toilet appeared in front of the overqueen, as Draco had not fed him in a while. Armed with his friends, Sorty and Scarfy, they explained to the overqueen that it was like Spiderman, that she and Goyle could never be together, but she said that the point in Spiderman 2 was that Peter and Mary-Jane could finally be together. But Goyle replied that Spiderman 3 was falling into shit, and that he didn't want his life to be like Spiderman 3 'cause he hated that movie so much. So Goyle flew away on the back of Hedwig, searching for chamomile to help his slumber.

THE END ?

Or is it ?

Buckbeak was so mad at Goyle for calling her the ugliest girl in the school and then choosing to ride on Hedwig's back instead of hers that she called Robin to the rescue and together they had a race. They flew in the sky. But then, out of nowhere Captain Marvel show up!

"No, that's superman"

Nico jumped into the scene, shouted "it's Captain Marvel!" and then called up Liam on the phone to tell him that he saw Captain Marvel.

"No, THAT'S SUPERMAN"

But little did anyone know, Duder was in a tree the whole time...*whispers* spying. Duder came out of hiding and greeted Batman with one of his aliases, Alfred. And Batman was bored of the many aliases of Alfred that he just decided to punch Duder in the face, fracturing his jaw :

"TAKE THAT YOU SPY! YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON...BATMAN!"

His jaw fell on the ground, and there grew a magical tree, which bore pink sunglasses as fruits. Darren was walking around, trying to find Sami when he saw the tree. He was so amazed at the pink sunglasses that he took a pair and decided that he'll never go out without them.

And that's how Darren got his pink sunglasses.

But one day evil Sherlock Holmes stole them and painted them blue! This was truly evil indeed, as Darren was allergic to the color blue, it made his hair get covered in hair gel. And then no one could know that Blaine and Harry Freaking Potter were the same person, especially not B man.

Facebook polls were made to see if people could finally realize that Blaine was really Harry Freaking Potter. But it was possible to add answer to the poll, so it ended like this :

Is Blaine … ?

Blaine: 8 million votes

Harry Freaking Potter: 100 votes (the AVP3DFCC page)

B man: 1 vote (George)

Me: 1 vote

Snaaaaape: 2 votes

People were so upset that George added the "B man" answer. So, it was the evil blue paint that brought "NO GEORGE YOU CANNOT ADD BATMAN GO TO BED" to this world.

When it was discovered that Darren's fro was gone, every character mentioned began to scream because of the damage being done to Darren's beautiful curls. But then Darren showed up and was like "whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa why is my hair all freaked out ?"

And Then the Hair Spoke to Darren, explaining everything... He started with introducing himself... He said "Hey Darren, I'm Phillip, your hair". Then Phillip and Darren started to sing "_Me and my hair_" and Joey and Bob (his jaw) joined singing "_Me and my cute crooked jaw_" and others joined in and it was fun !

The end ?

Or is it ?

But then Phillip felt horrible as he realized that Kurt had entered the room...But everything was all right as Kurt's hair (which turned out to be called Portico) started joining with the sing along, but he realized it was his destiny to marry Joey's blue headband.

So the two eloped, Joey was so hurt that his faithful headband left him that he cut out his heart. And his heart was so upset and sad that he ran away to FIND the Sea of Lost Hearts (a bit like the land of the lost dicks but instead of being a horrible place the Sea of Lost Hearts was a place where hearts could mourn their loss together and find love). And as Joey's heart as a Hufflepuff, it was so easy for him to get there.

And who did he happen to bump into while in the Sea of Lost Hearts? None other than Quirrell's heart! He was pushing a pram, arm in arm with a heart in a white sheet, and he was searching for Voldy's heart. Joey's heart was heartbroken by this sight, he thought him and Quirrell's heart had something special.

So, Joey's heart left it search for a nice choir room, muttering the words to "_Stutter_" under his breath...

THE END!

….

NO!

Then Draco came to make him feel better but ended up making him feel worse...because he didn't know about the whole story and just said "those bitches, always ruining your life, right ?" Joey's heart became offended. "HOW DAAAAARE YOU? Quirrell's heart can do things even Red Vines can't do!" And he ran out of the choir room. He had to FIND Quirrell's heart, and tell him he loved him. He went to his house and was really shocked to find Quirrell's heart embracing a heart that looked a lot like that fellow from Holy Musical B man, but with white face paint on.

He was so upset that his head exploded. And that was the end of Joey's heart…

PLOT TWIST !

Joey's heart wasn't dead at all. He woke up in the hospital. He had a strong head ache but he was alive. Quirrell's heart was right in front of him

'get in loser, we're going shopping!'

Joey's heart was overjoyed and naively followed Quirrell's heart to a pink mini. But ... UMBRIDGE JUMPED OUT OF THE MINI ! Joey started to fight Umbridge in a deadly ninja fight. And...who would appear to help ? WHY Tim Beerens, of course! The Starkid Ninja! And Firenze came to save Joey ! He said "Ride on my back ! To Hogwarts !"

While Joey's heart was going _BACK TO HOGWARTS_, it so happened that Lucius had magically disappeared from the land of the giant bugs and managed to finally pass the exam for the Royal Ballet with the help of Gilderoy Lockhart, who taught him the doggy style.

And right there, in Hogwarts, all the Starkids where doing a super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot party with all of their fans (mostly with the ones who wrote this sweet fairy tale). Meanwhile, Phillip decided to kill Ryan Murphy with the help of his trusty sidekick Portico, who happened to be sneaking into the party at Hogwarts. His murder team included: Portico, Margaret and Mary-Sue, the world's last authentic croissant! Hermione tried to convince Phillip and Portico that it was mean to kill Ryan Murphy, but they wouldn't listen. She did because she was secretly Ryan Murphy in disguise! Holy Dead Wizard God !

Draco was heartbroken and he started to wonder if he wasn't gay... But then he realized he couldn't, because house elfs can't be gay. Ryan Murphy was about to kill Bambi's mom, who was Portico's ally...and Draco tried to kill himself by drowning in the potty...but he was still too large to fit in. Lavender started crying because of Yaxley's horrible dancing, so Darren started to sing :

"YAXLEY CAN'T DANCE, YAXLEY CAN'T DANCE, YAXLEY CANNOT DANCE! HE ONLY READS BOOKS AND HE CANNOT DANCE EVEN IF HE'S READING A HOW TO DANCE BOOK!"

And everybody joined in. Yaxley was actually trying to FIND his pizza (which fell through the hoooole) and he realized he wasn't a Hufflepuff, so, no way, he wouldn't ever FIND it. This is when Robin flew into the room (without pants) because he wanted to see Commissioner Gordon, but he had mistaken the toilets of Hogwarts for his office, so Moaning Myrtle was upset because no one could use the toilets and because she thought it was Robin's fault...

Out of the toilets came Sweet Tooth's minions singing "robin sucks" and Sweet Tooth appeared. He ordered

"Gob Stopper!"

Unfortunately Gob couldn't stop her, which resulted in all of Sweet Tooth's Minions being unable to move due to Hermione's excellently aimed 'Jelly Legs Jinx' and they couldn't figure the counter-curse was just "unjellify".

But Hermione's Jelly legs jinx hit Darren too so she had to use the counter-curse to help him and, in doing so, she gave everyone else the counter-curse...as they were attacking her, Flynn rider (AKA Eugene Fitzherbert) appeared! And everybody thought he was Joey but really, Flynn was EVIL !

DUM DUM DUUUMM

Joey and Flynn/Eugene soon discovered that they were long lost brothers, and Joey had to decide whether or not to go to the dark side. Then, Arthur Weasley appeared and tried to take a picture of all the people in the party on his muggle picture-maker.

"I THINK I GOT IT !" he said, in his normal cheerful voice

This led to Joey's life changing decision. He would finally join the dark side!

"No!" screamed the Starkid fan-base. "You must use your beautiful crooked chin for good!" but Joey did not listen and continued the process of joining the dark side... by eating a giant chocolate bar within an hour.

"What!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?" Darren screamed.

Phillip (Darren's hair) decided that, for the good of all, he had to kill Joey (and all his horcruxes, even the Zefron poster). However, by doing so much eating, Joey's jaw had gone even crookeder! And it fell off into Darren's gaping mouth. The jaw was a horcrux, so Darren grabbed the jawcrux and smashed it with Godric Gryffindor's sword, a piano note played each time he touched it.

And that's how Joey Richter died, the poor fool...^^

NO HE DIDN'T : his jaw MAGICALLY grew back!

Joey looked fondly at his screaming fans 'Thanks guys but it wasn't me who saved you. It was Darren". Snape popped in and said 'Joey's just being modest, let's hear it for that other guy'. Darren then pulled a cute scrunched up face and spontaneously combusted. Then Cris Colfer ran in, screaming "NO MY LOVE!". But then Mama Umbridge got hungry and grinded Colfer's bones to make her bread AND destroyed him AND took his job. But sadly, one of Colfer's bones was the Elder Wand and it started to shoot spells in Umbridge tummy. A pregnancy spell was accidentally cast and suddenly Umbridge had a baby in her tummy and went into labor.

The baby's name was Lauren Lopez. It never learned to walk and spent her life rolling on the floor, which angered Mama Umbridge so much, 'cause then Lauren wouldn't do the Umbridge Shuffle right! So to make up for Lauren's inability to walk, Mama Umbridge dressed her up in a blond wig and taught her daughter how to be stronger than a man...a WOMAN !

Darren was still burning. However, all the fans feels and tears from the Klaine break-up extinguished his flames. The flames had burnt away all of his hair-gel, and his hair was restored to its curly wonderfulness and so this is how Phillip died, and Darren was again Harry Freaking Potter ! Everybody was happy, so the end ?

NO !

"This story must never finish, for the sake of humanity" said The Green Lantern on his way to his biweekly ballet class. As Phillip had failed, the council of pussies decided they needed a new hitman to kill Ryan Murphy. And so they hired David Walliams but unfortuntly he was sick...so they had to go with plan B.

And plan B was...Georges Washington, back from the dead but he was a zombie, and kept trying to eat everyone. So they asked Snape, who suggested a sandwich bomb. But Herman walked up to him to ask a question and Snape freaked out and yelled 'Ah Night Troll!' and through his bomb sandwich up into the air where it forever looped the earth.

It exploded in the air, but it turns out it wasn't a real bomb...it was a FOOD BOMB, AND IT STARTED A MASSIVE FOODFIGHT! Clifford The Big Red Dog turned up and ate all the food before anybody could fight with it.

"Look Batman! A dog!" shouted Robin

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Batman and ran away, because he secretly has a huge phobia of dogs.

But the dog was K9DX, A Starship Ranger! With a hidden self-destruct button that would only activate if someone tapped it on the nose. Then suddenly, Sweet Tooth is spotted sliding down a rainbow, and holding a bag of skittles. A flying mermaid ate the skittles and a giant skittle ate the mermaid.

Then Jaime Lyn Beatty entered the scene to turn things back starkiddy, "OMG A GIANT SKITTLE" she screeched. And she hugged the giant skittle until it died! And then they all ate it, but as it turns out that the skittle bled...poptarts! So they ate all the poptarts as well.

And then Joey Richter in his Ron Weasley costume shows up, and eats everything! Everyone says "Not again!" then leave and joey is left all alone...until...Joey's mom picks him up from the choir room he's cuh-rying in.

"tuck in your shirt!" Mrs. Weasley said. "and when we get home, you need to do the dishes."

"ugh. But Mom" Ron whined "why don't you just make Bellatrix do that!?"

Molly replied, "Cuz the bitch is dead. Now you're gonna get it!" *claps*.

Just then Superman flew in in tears because everyone in the story had more twitter followers then he did. Except George, "NO GEORGE YOU CANNOT ADD BATMAN, GO TO BED". His handle was therealnogeorgeyoucannotaddb atmangotobed because some asshole named Bruce Wayne had already taken nogeorgeyoucannotaddbatmango tobed and all he ever did was tweet about how dumb he was.

But it was ok because the super friends got together to make Superman and George feel better by calling them super-mega-doggy-awesome-hot. But Superman and George were offended by "super-mega-doggy-awesome-hot" and started crying again. So the super friends quickly changed it to super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot and they were happy again

BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN A GIANT DOORKNOB APPEARED.

The doorknob then proclaimed it was the Mayan god of mime, and the worst enemy of Margaret, the Mayan god of musical theatre. The doorknob was called Mary. But it turns out they have the same supervisor and Mary was fired... OR WAS HE!? Mary mimed that he wasn't fired, and then mimed laughing at Margaret, who had suddenly appeared.

Margaret called Mary by his full name, Marion. And Marion suddenly got really angry at Margaret... So he let out his frustration and punched a fish, who started screaming at him.. The fish then turned inside out, and turned into Joe Moses! (it was part of one of his improv' skills).

BUT, THEN IT TURNS OUT IT WASN'T JOE MOSES AT ALL. It was Patrick Star, In a Joe Moses suit. Patrick loves Joe Moses. So much that he adopted a panda. But his panda was a secret agent, he was Peter the Panda. Peter was battling Doofenshmirtz. This made Agent Perry the Platypus very jealous.

Cue Sweet Tooth and his Jelly Beans!

"Jelly?" he said then rushed off to Pennsylvania to stock up on giant Hershey's bars.

But Ron had beaten him to it, and was shaking hands with the FORMER owner of the Hershey's factory, for he had eaten every chocolate bar in sight. He was now the NEW owner of the chocolate bar factory. Ron was afraid that he might eat all the chocolate in the factory so he put on his chocolate repelling sweatband to keep him away (even though he just told people it was to keep his over-sized wig on). Sweet Tooth, disgusted by the chocolate repelling sweat band and depressed that he couldn't get the chocolate bar, left the country and went to...England, where he spoke in a stupid American accent.

He FOUND Draco trying to buy out "NASA: UK". But unfortunately his parents didn't left him enough money to. So, he stole a rocketship and left the Earth. But, unfortunately, the warp jump was on and he ended up on Bug World, where he met the Starship Rangers. Draco saw this as a new beginning.

He fell in love with Taz and forgot Herman. Unfortunately, Taz was in love with Up and so, just as Herman had done before, she rejected him. In his sorrow and after he tried to drown once more in the potty, he hijacked a Starship and went to Mars. He met Rumbleroar and his slumbering cubs. Draco was having so much fun at Pigfarts, but alas he began to miss his friends at Hogwarts and asked Rumbleroar to take him back to Earth. Rumbleroar couldn't however, because he had no one to watch his slumbering cubs

On Earth, Harry finally bought the NASA, cause Ron wanted to eat Saturn's rings. But Draco convinced Harry to take the spaceship to Mars so Harry could watch the cubs while Rumbleroar took him back to Earth on his back. But Ginny, Ron and Herman, who were still on Saturn, missed Harry, so they went back to Pigfarts by "borrowing" another rocketship. The rocket ship was actually a table so they crash landed on...Mars.

No, they thought it was Mars, but it was really the moon!

Dun Dun Duuuun…

And due to the wibbly wobbly time they met the doctor. Somehow, the table had brought them back in time to 1969, and they met Neil Armstrong. The 11th doctor and him were drinking tea next to the pod that brought Armstrong on the moon. And The Silence came and they forgot everything

"I want tea" said Ron. It had been hours since he ate the chocolate, and he was famished. Until River Song came with iPatches

"Hello, sweetie"

Then the weeping angels and the silence battled it out but the weeping angels looked away and everyone except people wearing iPatches forgot the battle. Then Starkid came in and saved everyone and joey ate the concrete angels, with a fork and mustard. Then the evil queen came to Joey, and told him she had to help him get in tune with magic again! Joey stabbed her with the fork and ran as far as he could, but tripped over a purple hat…but it wasn't a hat it was tinky winky.

And then the StarKids were kidnapped by the tellytubbies, so they began to serenade the tellytubbies, who were so moved by their serenade that they let the Starkids go. (Because even though tellytubbies are evil aliens with TV sets in their stomachs, they have some kindness in them)

And then a purple armadillo, named Frank, ran up to the Starkids. He wanted to say something, but was interrupted by Lucius Malfoy, who appeared in a giant puff of smoke. He activated his time turner and brought everyone back to the beginning of the story. But instead of being swallowed by Sweet Tooth's giant marshmallow in prehistoric times...Sweet tooth got eaten by a giant zombie snake!

Then, the zombie snake slithered off to destroy Japan, THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD! But it turned out that Margret and Mary were already in Japan destroying it trying to outdo each other. The giant zombie snake was not happy and...Superman flew around the world until he went back in time until he heard...

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A MAGICAL KINGDOM, CALLED STARKID

This magical kingdom was so sexy, that everybody died. THE END…Or was it the end?


End file.
